my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
