And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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