I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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