it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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