Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
