Don't make out with my wife yet
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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