Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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