My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
