Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
