i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
