Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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