how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
