What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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