Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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