the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
