He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
