I'm really into asian looking animals
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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