remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
