I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
