Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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