How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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