So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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