If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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