just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sorry about my life...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
