just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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