I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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