So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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