the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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