Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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