he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
