were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
