Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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