Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
