two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
