Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
