it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
