have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
