drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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