I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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