He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
