maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
