i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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