if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
