Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
