i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
