what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
