You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
