i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
