i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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