got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
