Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
